omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
