ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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