ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
