Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
