Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
