hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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