Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to wash the frat house off of me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
