is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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