So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
