in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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