I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
