Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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