I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
