you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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