I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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