you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
