Your tits are I can't wait for
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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