Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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