question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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