the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
