a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
