areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
