I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
