And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
