Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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