Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
