Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
