I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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