Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize