You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
