OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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