do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dicks are not precious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
