I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
