Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
