Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
