If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
