What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
