It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i think my cat just said my name.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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