I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
