take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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