why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
