the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
