He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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