My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
