Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
