Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
