so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
