Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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