The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
