I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
