Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
