i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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