It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize