You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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