Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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