i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
