Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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