I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
