my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
