i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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