I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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