at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
