So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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