Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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