I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
