Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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