Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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