he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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